i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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