i'm signing you up for texting rehab
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
