Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
