Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
