I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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