Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
