lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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