Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
