I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
