if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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