She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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