yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
