I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
