i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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