I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
