Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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