I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
