how can u be prego again
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
