they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
