wakey wakey hands off snakey
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
