it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
