I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
