I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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