the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
