all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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