i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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