i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
