he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
