I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
