So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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