Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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