You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
