I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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