it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize