super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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