i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
