then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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