You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
