I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
