Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize