Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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