If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
