on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
