So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
