I think my vagina is haunted
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
