Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
