we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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