just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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