I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
