just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
