i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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