I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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