So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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