well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
