btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
