Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
