saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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