my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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