I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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