you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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