fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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