Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
