So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
