So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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