I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
