Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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