only if we run a train.
done.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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