I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
