Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
