ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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