you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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